The Federal Communication Commission’s newly-released Net Neutrality regulations cite music icon MC Hammer as justification for implementing taxpayer-subsidized Internet.

Arguing for the need to subsidize home Internet access for needy families, FCC Commissioner Mignon Clyburn labeled the Lifeline Assistance Program, which provides Obamaphones, an outdated relic.

“I have… been vocal about my call to modernize the Lifeline program, which has been stuck in an MC Hammer, parachute-pants time warp since 1985,” Clyburn argued in the FCC’s 400-page order.

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As noted by FCC Commissioner Ajit Pai, expanding the Lifeline program would be financially painful for America.

“That won’t come cheap,” Pai said in his dissent to the FCC’s new Internet regulations. “In order to provide discounted broadband service to millions of Americans, the FCC will have to find the money somewhere. With this Order, that somewhere is your wallet. So when it comes to broadband, read my lips: More new taxes are coming. It’s just a matter of when.”

Furthermore, Clyburn’s reference to Hammer’s single “U Can’t Touch This,” which solidified the parachute pant meme, is erroneous as the song hit US airwaves in April 1990.

Ironically, the government bureaucracy that aims to regulate the free internet as we know it can’t even get the details of an MC Hammer song right.


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