March 25, 2010
(Editor’s Note: This story is a fictional future news story that depicts one possible future under an American medical dictatorship.) Taking aim at the growing spread of Obedience Defiance Disorder (O.D.D.) — a mental disease striking both children and adults — Massachusetts health authorities have joined with the state legislature to make O.D.D. vaccine mandatory across the state beginning this Thursday.
O.D.D. is a serious health disorder that causes people to act in defiance of authority figures. Symptoms of O.D.D. include disobeying public school teachers, refusing to take vaccine shots and engaging in home schooling activities. The American Psychiatric Association (APA) has called O.D.D. a “modern pandemic” that has destroyed the lives of tens of millions of Americans who currently lack treatment.
Drug maker Merck launched its FDA-approved O.D.D. vaccine late last year, and clinical trials funded by Merck have scientifically shown that the vaccine works to quell disobedience in over 65% of those given the shots. The vaccines contain an unusually large dose of squalene, a vaccine adjuvant that helps magnify the effects of the vaccine on the human nervous system. Some critics are extremely angry about the vaccine, claiming it causes brain damage, but as was pointed out by a Merck spokesperson, those critics are themselves suffering from O.D.D. and need more treatment.
One of the more obvious symptoms of O.D.D. is any expression of opposition to vaccines. Citizens who notice their neighbors displaying any symptoms of O.D.D. are encouraged to call the national O.D.D. reporting hotline: 1-800-ODD-HELP
Bill Gates donates millions to help end O.D.D.
- A d v e r t i s e m e n t
The move by the Mass. legislature to make O.D.D. vaccines mandatory is designed to bring treatment to millions of O.D.D. sufferers who currently receive no treatment. “These people need help,” said State Senator Jack McClane. “It is our moral responsibility to make sure that every child in Massachusetts receives this vaccine for their own good.”
Parents who resist having their children vaccinated are, of course, suffering from O.D.D. themselves and will also receive mandatory treatment. “We will have law enforcement officials standing by, ready to go door to door to administer this medicine to all the children across the state who need treatment,” McClane added.
Software entrepreneur Bill Gates has reportedly donated $265 million to the state to aid in the purchase and injection of O.D.D. vaccines. In an email statement sent to the Associated Press, Gates explained that Massachusetts “could serve as a model for success” and that if the O.D.D. vaccine program were successful there, he planned to support its nationwide expansion to help treat all Americans with O.D.D. vaccines.
Parents are also finding huge benefits from the O.D.D. vaccines. Twenty-seven year old Linda Johanson, who took part in the 7-day clinical trial that proved the vaccines were both safe and effective, told the Associated Press that the vaccine “…made my child far easier to handle as a parent. He no longer spoke out against me or had his own ideas. He simply did what I told him, and now our household feels like family again.”
Public school teachers are also supporting O.D.D. vaccination programs, claiming the vaccines make children “more obedient” in classrooms. Academic performance appears to be somewhat reduced in those who receive the vaccines, but this loss of intellectual capacity is “a small price to pay for obedience,” say teachers.
The stock price of Merck surged by nearly $2 a share on today’s news that the vaccine would be made mandatory in Massachusetts.