April 20, 2011
Note: this is a curiosity we see as satire
Judgment Day approaches, and we’re not talking about the Biblical kind: rather, yesterday was the day that Skynet became self-aware, and April 21, 2011 is the day that it launches its robot onslaught against mankind, according to the updated “Terminator” mythology laid out in the recent “Sarah Connor Chronicles” TV series. Threatened by what it perceives to be humanity infringing upon its God-given right to exist, Skynet goes bonkers, shutting down global systems, initiating nuclear holocaust and stopping production on “Jersey Shore.” Is there no end to the machines’ madness?
Fortunately, you are not alone. In dubious honor of the date, we’ve whipped up a list of five ways to survive when the machines come knocking at your door and it’s not one of the friendly ones you can teach about crying and friendship. Society may be dead, but you are not. Go long, brave human.
Wear Lots of Sunblock
One of the problems with foreseeing a robot apocalypse is that basically everyone thinks you’re crazy, but there’s nothing crazy about UV protection. In “Terminator 2: Judgment Day,” Sarah Connor tells a skeptical doctor that “anyone not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day.” We know that 2 million sunblock doesn’t exist, but you can make do with the next best thing and settle for a nice 30 SPF or something.