Donna Anderson
May 29, 2013

Nothing says “Good Morning!” like a piping hot cuppa and a rousing Alex Jones rant, and yesterday’s was one of his best – ever. In the space of two-and-a-half minutes Alex covered everything from, well, A to Z, but not necessarily in alphabetical order. So grab your own beverage-of-choice and hang on for the ride!

Referring to simulated Zombie attacks carried out by the military, Alex said, “They went, ‘C’mon Mr. Jones, c’mon. The government’s training to kill zombies?” The military was saying, ‘So why are we training to kill Americans, to mow ’em down in human wave attacks?” I said, so now they just call ’em zombies, please look it up…It’s LA Times.”

Alex says they’re training the military to think humans are ugly, humans are scum. “And by the way,” said Alex, “you ARE dead. They’ve already soft-killed most of us. They think they’re just gonna watch us all die slowly and sit there and roast hot dogs on our dead corpses. It ain’t gonna happen.”

“World War Z? It’s all a simulation for mass death and killing you and your family.. and you WILL find out if we’re unable to stop them!”

Now, warming up to his rant in that way that only Alex Jones can, he admitted that this kind of stuff sounds crazy to some yuppie kids working on Wall Street. “They’re all having a good time” talking about this “crazy Texan.”

Everybody knows Texans are dumb. ‘I rode a horse to work this morning. If I didn’t have a liberal in my bathroom I couldn’t wipe my a–! Excuse me. I apologize. I know we have a family audience. that was wrong and I won’t do it again, “Alex said as he grinned into the camera. “Right now… I’m outta control.”

Reaching the peak of his rant, Alex addressed the sheeple who laugh at him and go through their daily routine with blinders on:

You ARE superior to me! Hundreds of patents, documents, tracking us, watching us, spying on us, military training to kill us, police training to take on veterans, I mean Hell Force stuff! And I’m supposed to sit hear and say ‘Everything’s fine, everything’s wonderful?!”

Rock on, Alex! And there’s your next InfoWars T-shirt. A field of dead zombies over the words, “Everything’s fine! Everything’s wonderful!

Get fired up, folks. There really is no better way to start your day than to listen to an Alex Jones rant.

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