Experiencing a problem with our site? Try restarting your browser…

Adan Salazar
Oct. 13, 2013

healthscreenTechnical difficulties have plagued the rollout of the federal government’s new online healthcare exchange, but visiting the site you wouldn’t know it.

In fact, if you have any problems while cruising the great health insurance scam marketplace, it’s probably your own fault.

Indeed, HealthCare.gov’s “I’m having trouble logging in to my Marketplace account” troubleshooting section is curiously barren of references to the myriad of complications people are reportedly experiencing when attempting to access the site.

No disclaimer appears as to the erratic glitches or immense load times people have encountered. No warnings state the site may be running slow or may still have bugs. Not so much as a peep to the fact that millions have tried to navigate the site and failed, in frantic attempts to obtain health insurance prior to the New Year’s Day deadline.

Instead, in typical Obama fashion, the website assumes any trouble logging in is likely your fault.

Should the website give you trouble – and it will – HealthCare.gov has five tips for you to try to get insurance. Here they are along with commentary:

1. Restart your browser – Turn it on, Turn it on again. The first tip to resolve log in issues is not to save yourself the trouble and try again at a later time, but to restart your entire internet browser. Did the site just sorta freeze up on you? Close and reopen the program, that should do it. Believe it or not, they actually say this “will resolve many log in issues,” and if it doesn’t? See Step 1. Lather, rinse, repeat.

2. Check to make sure your browser is set to accept cookies – Michelle O.-approved cookies. Listen, the Healthcare.gov website works fine. If you’re still having problems, you likely just need to turn your cookies “on,” even though they’re probably already “on” due to the fact that pretty much all web browsers are set by default to accept cookies. So I guess this is pretty much just a fluff step taking up space and making it seem like we really give a shit.

3. Clear your browser’s cache (history/memory) –Do you know what a “browser’s cache” is? If you do, “clear” it. Still not able to get it? You tried restarting, right? Gosh, what could the problem be? It certainly couldn’t be our website. Let’s try something else. Have you tried clearing your cache? Do that, but don’t ask me to explain what a “cache” is.

4. Delete your browser’s cookies – Let’s try the cookies, again… Absolutely no problems here at Healthcare.gov. But if you’re somehow still having problems, we mentioned cookies earlier, but we forgot to recommend deleting them, too. Because, you know, we figure, what the hell, it’s worth a shot.

5. Check your email “spam” folder – Nope, still not the website’s fault. Go forth and scour the depths of your email. Look, we’re not sure what to tell you. You should’ve been able to log in by now. After all, it couldn’t possibly be a problem with our website. You probably overlooked an email or something. Yeah, that’s it. Go comb through your email nice and careful-like. And make sure to check that spam folder, stuff likes to get lost in there sometimes.

Remember, if you’re still having issues, you can always call your friendly, courteous Healthcare.gov call center at 1-800-F1UCK-YO.

In the following report by WBIR from this past Friday, one woman described how she couldn’t get past HealthCare.gov’s log in screen.

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