Well, this puts a new spin on the term “government waste”: confounded with the problem of an unknown individual leaving feces in public hallways, a regional branch of the Environmental Protection Agency hired an outside consultant to inform their employees that pooping in hallways is bad.

Government Executive got their hands on an email from the management EPA’s Region 8 in Denver, CO, in which a supervisor begged his employees to stop “placing feces in the hallway” and clogging up toilets with paper towels. While this is, obviously, a very disgusting matter, the story veers into pretty dumb territory soon:

Confounded by what to make of this occurrence, EPA management “consulted” with workplace violence “national expert” John Nicoletti, who said that hallway feces is in fact a health and safety risk. He added the behavior was “very dangerous” and the individuals responsible would “probably escalate” their actions.

According to his bio, Nicoletti is, indeed, a nationally-recognized expert on workplace and school violence prevention, with accolades from the National Science Foundation and numerous chairmanships. He’s even “a member of NASA’s team for developing analog’s for training astronauts for long duration missions, such as the Mars Mission.”

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