Thinking about telling your child how he or she was actually a surprise for you and your spouse? Maybe you’re better off keeping that tiny detail to yourself. A new study finds that people who learn they were the result of an unplanned pregnancy have more difficulty than others in close relationships.

Researchers from the University of Kansas say that knowledge about your conception and birth can lead to greater insecurity with others and attachment issues when it comes to relationships with others.

“We often tend to assume that whatever happened in the past isn’t going to be as important at present and time heals everything — people will simply go on with their lives,” explains lead author Omri Gillath, a professor of psychology, in a university release. “For this specific type of event, we found this isn’t the case. This is something that lingers even as people grow up and become adults and is affecting current relationships in a negative way.”

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