Last Friday, I told you where you can get coffee with real gold mixed into it.

It’s part of this trend of edible gold. People are mixing gold into all kinds of foods  — even beer and chicken wings. Like I said last week, I think people like to eat gold because it seems indulgent and decadent. Not my thing, but I get it. But you know what? There’s a more pragmatic reason to eat gold.

Transportation.

Think about it. There isn’t a much more secure place to transport gold than in your stomach. First off, nobody will even know you have the gold on you. Second, it’s pretty hard to get to. Somebody would have to be pretty brazen to get the gold out of your stomach. Extraction would get gross pretty quick.

Now, I’m not suggesting this because of any personal experience. But it has been tried. Take Jahabar Sadiq Azharuddeen (34), Jahabar Sadiq Sheikh Abdullah (24) and Nayeem Mohammed Sayyad (27) for instance. According to the India Express, the three men swallowed small bags containing about 80 grams of gold in an attempt to smuggle it into India from Kuala Lumpur.

That’s nearly three ounces of the yellow metal worth about $3,600.


The trio got busted after customs officials become suspicious of their behavior and “walking style.” I guess gold in your gut might make you walk a little odd. According to the news report, the trio confessed after interrogation by “customs sleuths.”  Seriously, that’s what the article says.

I’ll just let the news report describe how they got the gold out. It seems — well — unpleasant. But luckily for our hapless smugglers, it came out the “natural way,” which beats the heck out of some other ways I could think of.

“After examination, the KGH medical staff admitted them in the special ward for men. Enema was administered to the trio for extraction of gold from their stomachs through natural way. ‘All the three accused were brought to KGH around 5:30 pm on Sunday. Usually, people who smuggle gold by swallowing it, consume simple food for slow passage of the metal substance into their digestive system and they do not take much water.  We gave bananas, light hot water and some laxatives to extract the yellow metal from their stomachs through natural way,’ Dr G Arjuna, Superintendent of KGH.”

I get the feeling the gold went down easier than it came out.

Now, on the one hand, this seems like a lot of trouble for $3,600. On the other hand, considering the smuggling method, I don’t think I’d be inclined to try to smuggle in larger amounts. I’m just not sure this passes as the best way to smuggle gold. (Yes. I just went there.)

Gold smuggling is a big business. And by business, I mean criminal enterprise. One report I read said gold is the fifth-most smuggled item in the world. It ranks higher than food, cigarettes, and cash. Unsurprisingly, drugs are the most common smuggled item. Exotic animals rank above gold as well. I wonder if anybody has tried to smuggle an exotic snail inside them?

Probably. Because people are nuts.

Anyway, as I said at the outset, it’s tough to find gold that’s inside your body – assuming you can manage to walk right.

Get this: A South Korean ring of 51 people reportedly smuggled in more than two tons of gold from Tokyo inside their rectums and vaginas over a 2-year span. South Korean customs agents said, “As our crackdown gets tougher, smugglers are also getting more sophisticated in hiding gold or other jewelry products they want to bring in.”

So, what’s the lesson here? Well, I don’t really have one. Maybe don’t smuggle gold? Or if you’re going to smuggle gold, don’t walk funny. No. Let’s just stick with don’t smuggle gold.

And a little tip: don’t buy smuggled gold. You don’t know where that stuff’s been.

No. I recommend more conventional ways of getting the yellow metal. You can call 1-888-GOLD-160 and speak with a Precious Metals Specialist today. I can assure you, you won’t end up with a tummy-ache, or hands probing around where you don’t want them.


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