I don’t have to tell you how the up-and-coming youngsters are soft.

Like Democrats with crime. Michael Moore’s gelatinous paunch. These kids have spent so long in their trigger-free safe spaces, simple things like too many capital letters are enough to trip them up. This is why university peeps are starting to outlaw professors from using words in all caps:

University lecturers have been told not to use words in capital letters when setting assignments because it might frighten students into failure.

These are your future leaders, world. God forbid a serious problem, like a county’s national debt, befall them.

Sleep tight.

Staff at Leeds Trinity’s school of journalism have also been told to “write in a helpful, warm tone, avoiding officious language and negative instructions”. Some blasted the move as “more academic mollycoddling” of the snowflake generation. An “enhancing student understanding, engagement and achievement” memo lists dos and don’ts – with “do” and “don’t” among words frowned upon.

Nobody tell them about red pens. Or give them a history book.

Course leaders say capitalising a word could emphasise “the difficulty or high-stakes nature of the task”.

The memo says: “Despite our best attempts to explain assessment tasks, any lack of clarity can generate anxiety and even discourage students from attempting the assessment at all.

“Oh Golly. Professor Blockhead used that word in all caps. This is getting to be too much. THE PRESSURE!!! Oh, no. NOW I’M USING ALL CAPS! AAAAAHHHHHH!”

These kids DO NOT like all caps. So, I guess it’s in everyone’s best interest if those pesky capital letters would just GO AWAY. While we’re at it, let’s just go ahead and nix italicizing, bolding, and underlining as well. After all, we wouldn’t want those younglings to have a full-on NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!

We seem to be becoming wimpified as a people. Remember the good ol’ days when being conservative was the only verboten thing on campus? Yeah, those days are long past. Now, capital letters are too triggering for the younger generations. These are the people who will be running the show in a few decades. God help us.


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