First Lady Jill Biden this year earned one of conservative outlet Washington Free Beacon’s coveted “Man Of The Year” titles, for her outstanding work filling in for 82-year-old husband US President Joe Biden as his physical and cognitive decline on the world stage grew too big to ignore.
“The ‘official record’ will reflect that Joe Biden served as the 46th president of the United States between 2021 and 2025 (assuming he lives to see the new year), which is why you should never believe anything you read in a history book,” The Free Beacon Staff sarcastically wrote Tuesday.
“The American people know the truth. Sleepy Joe has been scientifically dead for at least two years, if not longer. His body crippled by rigor mortis, his brain the color and consistency of fecal slurry. That’s why we’re giving this coveted Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year award to the person who has actually been running the country this whole time: Jill Biden, America’s desperate housewife.” [emphasis ours]
The Beacon went on to explain “Dr. Jill” had earned her doctoral title with actual home health care experience over the past few years by “giving sponge baths, changing bedpans, and administering the military-grade narcotics that allowed our nominal leader to present as semi-coherent in public settings…”
“We certainly don’t approve of the way Dr. Jill has been leading the country these past four years, but we’re not even mad. We’re amazed that she managed to pull it off under the circumstances,” The Beacon clarified, adding, “She achieved a level of absolute power that Hillary Clinton—the ice queen of ruthless ambition herself—could only dream of.”
The conservative publication joked “Dr. Jill’s” service would be remembered even if a female actually assumes a future presidential role.
“We’ll be elated, obviously, but we won’t be fooled. The Free Beacon will never forget Dr. Jill’s historic service to this country, even though basically any man could have done a better job. And if she decides to plot a path back to power, she will have an esteemed Free Beacon Man of the Year award to point to on the campaign trail.”
Other notable figures who made the Free Beacon‘s list this year include chairman and CEO of Comcast Brian Roberts, for spinning off MSNBC, the anti-Kamala kid interviewed by CNN who called her a “liar,” and CNN conservative pundit Scott Jennings “For holding his own in hostile territory and for owning the libs with a ruthlessness few possess.”